First, let me wish myself a very happy birthday. Yup, it's my birthday today. I am 31 years old. They say, 'the older, the wiser'. But, that doesn't seem to work for me. Especially, when my little one shows a little gesture of love, I end up feeling guilty.pp
Yesterday, after me n my little battalion finished shopping, I stuffed them all in the car and walked away to leave the trolley near the store's door. When I returned to the car, I was so shocked to see my five year old crying so badly and his eyes were so red, just like Captain. My husband seemed undisturbed by all this drama.
"What's happening? Why is he crying? Did you scold him?", I asked my husband.
"I just tried reversing the car and get it out of the bay. He told me to wait until you get back to car. But, I told him that we are not taking mummy home and gonna leave you here. He took me seriously and started crying"
I was overwhelmed to know that. My little one was still crying, but I was too happy to realise that I need to console him. Then after few minutes, my hyper happiness came low and I explained to him that, daddy was just trying to make fun of him.
Honestly, I am nowhere closer to a 'Hamam' mummy or any ideal mummies that comes in movies. I shout a lot and scold my kids (ya, even my one year, old gets her share, now and then!!). My iron levels are running too low and as a result I stay cranky almost through out the day and my patience level is also running too low these days. I know I should take care of myself and it's absurd to blame anybody. So, all these put together makes me a hypertension mommy and I hear phrases like 'I like only happy mom and not an angry mom' (I too wish so!!), 'You behave like an angry bird' (Aww! I hate that red colour), 'you are not my best friend' (Thank you!), 'I need a new happy mummy' (Something fishy??!! Will check your dad's mobile) and on.
I used to really feel sorry, whenever I hear so. Later, I felt so guilty for making him say all that. I know it's all my fault. For one thing, I did not take care of myself. I keep forgetting that my child is just five years old and not fifty. Above all, I overthink that he is already hating me and is not going to to be happy about me, as he grows. But, he is a wonderful child with an innocent heart, that loves me so much and every single silly bit of me. How nice! Now and then he shows such little gestures, just to remind me that he loves me so much and only to teach me that all he needs from me is some portion of love and care. I have decided to mend myself and took an oath today to be nicer to him. I am sure I will be a good mommy one day, at least before he turns fifty!!!
